A true fren will help u through thick n thin

2012-01-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

doing what i want.. but crumbling soon. teaching tuition, teaching aikiforest, working at bethel doing hols, school, piano, drums, aikido. wow. no time for myself, no time for bf. sigh.

2011-05-22T20:13:00.002+08:00

after i end work.. im going to
1) get tanner
2) train up my lower body
3) practice scales

2011-05-19T22:10:00.002+08:00

if only i could go back to last year. sigh

imissajbball. i miss arthur. i miss the feeling of balling with my 5 other girls. i miss shouting at them. i miss scolding them. i miss their cries. i miss their attitude problems. i miss our weekly dinner. i miss the sweat. i miss the complaints. i miss mugging together. i miss meeting every morning. i miss breakfast together. i miss birthday celebrations. i miss arguing with them. i miss going into pe dept like it's my room. i miss lying on the court. i miss our sushi outings. i miss our team shoe. i miss the photo takings. i miss people getting injured. i miss accompanying the girls to see the doctor. i miss taping one another's injury. i miss all our laughter. i miss all our smiles. i miss all the cant do but must do attitude. i miss bandaging my ankle just to play with you girls. i miss drawing bananas. i miss doing the shoelace. i miss ALL THE SHIT WE DID. sighhh. imissajbball.imissajbball.imissajbball.imissajbball.imissajbball.

2011-05-18T19:33:00.004+08:00

this week hasnt been good. monday, felt like shit for aikido. was contemplating on quitting. but okay. i cant be like that all the time. it's the same feeling as for basketball last year. incompetence. sigh. today, i feel like a piece of useless shit. all the basketball memories came back. both good and bad. i havent totally accepted the fact how our team performed during a div. i know its done and i should forget about it. but it hurts me like shit still. it was just like yesterday. =/. and all the uni shit comes in. sigh. oh LOrd, have mercy on me =(. for only You, can take the pain away.. and people around me, those whom i am close to and those whom are not, feels sad. and, when they do.. i do too. sighhhh.

2011-05-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

its a love-hate thing now. sigh. perhaps my self expectation on this area is too high. i feel incompetent.

2011-04-17T21:43:00.005+08:00

one word to describe my life now: excellent =D

if only life would be like that everyday.. oh well.

loving aikido more and more to the point i think im obessesed. i'd think of it day and night, look forward to training and go crazy. at least i know im improving.. compared to piano, spending so much time but seeing no point in it. oh well..

the way i look at marriage now is very different from how i used to.. at times, i really hope that divorce would help the problem. cause marriage is making things unbearable for people around the couple.. then again, at times i see blissfulness in them. i really dont know which to encourage. it hurts me alot alot alot, but i dont know what to do. people say.. endure, be understanding, persevere. but any one knows how bad the situation is..? any one knows how painful and nay impossible to do it? things get tougher, tougher.. through the past 4 years. my hope is decreasing day by day.. and the situation is getting beyond what i have ever imagine till the fact that i have accepted and embraced ( in fact) divorce as a solution. it may be a form of escape. but if things get better, i'll accept it..

at least aikido and drums diverts my attention away.. thats why maybe i love it so much.

wish list.
1) pass driving on 3 may
2) get a drum set
3) improve piano, drums, aikido

2011-03-20T21:20:00.001+08:00

im still sore about it.. totally sore, sore, sore. sigggggggggggggggggggh.

i was the only one amongst my friends without any parents supporting me. oh well.

2011-02-07T13:57:00.002+08:00

im going to push myself for two months. aikido 4 times minimum a week. driving at least once or twice a week. after these two months, life would be better. whether or not i'll be successful, its a whole story again.

2011-01-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

i wonder why i feel so stressful now that im not studying. piano exam coming and im still on my second piece. first piece may have to change. sighh. aikido grading coming and i have insufficient trainings plus technique still suck after a year of stopping. drums exam coming and i still feel like i totally dont know how to play still. driving btt coming and im freaking scared i fail. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2011-01-12T18:14:00.002+08:00

people are getting bored of holidays, sick and tired of working now that we dont have to go to school in the new year. however, i'm having fun totally. i'm doing what i want, enjoying myself, and getting paid more than expected.work in the day and lessons at night. that's my ideal life and congrats, i'm living it now =). i think God bless me abundantly. and all i can do is to thank Him. how great is Thou art. chinese new year is round the corner and i'm excited. seriously excited.

2010-12-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

im spending money more than i every have in my whole life.. life's been good, yet bad simultaneously. good cause i no longer need to burry my head in my books, allowing myself to get a taste of life apart from studying and upgrading myself in various ways. i get to learn things i want to ( maybe not all) - drums, aikido, piano, driving ( soon), art and golf. it seems not much, but to others, it seems alot. thankful to my parents who are paying for my lessons because it goes up to about 500 a month. but the bad part is that i'm unable to find a job which my parents allow and that would be educational and beneficial to me. i watch sub-standard and uselss drama all day or go out with friends to spend. not that i'm in utter dired state that i have to help add on to the family income, but i feel im spending unnecessarily especially since i do not even give my parents anything. so i really hope i am able to find a job in the area of early childhood education even if i may be paid little.

parting makes me feel sad. one after another.. people who are close and dear to me leaves.. this year's bad.. next year would be worst.. i knew they'd soon go. i had a choice to pull myself back. but again and again, i didn't. it's gonna get worst especially since two people im close to are going to leave.

sigh. i rather travel this year than next year.. travelling out of no where next year. but then again, i should be glad i'm able to even travel with my family. able to travel to places beyong thailand, hong kong and malaysia. ah well. okay. im happy and gald and thankful..

someone, tell me what to do with my life..

2010-11-20T21:59:00.001+08:00

and i want a japan exchange programme all over again, with exactly the same people. let me go back to sec 3 please.

2010-11-20T20:55:00.004+08:00

i'm sick and tired of things..

obviously of studying. but, there's more than that..

i'm sick of having to put up with what people say, their words and the way they think they're big. perhaps is just this inferior complex i have cause i know my grades can never match up to theirs. but, i really cant stand some of their insensitivity. i'm already humbling myself down, asking things cause i do acknowledge you're better than me. but please don't insult. you may not notice it, but i do. but it's alright i guess, after all, it boils down to - myself.

i some how feel quite lost now. besides having so many friends attached, i'm kind of glad school's ending. cause i don't need to feel any worst. i dont need to withstand any more weird stares by people who disapproves of things i do. it's good to have friends around, so smart, so nice, so helpful. but it just makes me feel incompetent.. although they make me smile, teach me, help me and try to accomodate me, i still dont feel comfortable. not because of the sex, but because of me being too lousy to match up to them. boils down to - myself.

i feel i'm an unfilial child. its either im out studying, out in school, out with friends, home studying, home using the com, watching tv or you guys out, busy doing housework, busy doing things for me. i know you do feel lonely and unloved by us, but i really dont know what else to do. i cant bring you out with me to study, or accompany you while studying, or cook with you, wash clothes with you or whatever right? now that i am ( we are) grown up, we tend to spend time with friends more than stay home. considering that your children have many different group of friends, the more we'd be out. and i believe both bro and i already choose which and when to go. i'll try my best to make up for these two years in the next 8 months alright? meanwhile, please wait for me. for all these sour relationships, it still boils down to - myself.

i dont like the secrecy of this whole thing. i feel like im not good enough for people to know that we know each other. everything we do is behind everyone's back. it's an awkward situation as though we dont even know each other in real life. or a so called text-buddy. are we even friends? or only friends when we need to complain about something which we cant tell any one but each other? i really don't know what position am i now deep inside you. ah well, if only i took a step forward some 3 years back, perhaps things wont be like this. who to blame? myself.

sigh. i still think babies have the best life. all they care about is wheres the toy, the food and parents. they dont even need to clean themselves up, feed themselves, watch emotions of others and put up with rubbish. ah well. i've out grown that stage.

but to be thankful, i have friends to study with, friends to text, friends to eat and spend time with, friends to encourage me, parents who love me, parents who invest in me, parents who cook for me and drive me to school. most importantly, i have an amazing Father watching over me=)

2010-11-10T19:42:00.003+08:00

18 more days and i'll burn my books.. im getting seriously bored..

in 3 days, it'd be 3 years..

2010-10-22T07:54:00.003+08:00

i feel as though i'm in the court, waiting for my verdict. and i furiously try to find evidence to prove myself not guilty. and i find and find. my attorney tries to help me as i scuffle along with all my might. and i wait and wait, waiting for them to exonerate me. i'm given two choices. 1) continue working with my attorney 2) allow myself to be over thrown. which i eventually choose, will determine my verdict.. to be exile or to be exonerate?

i realised im seeing my parents less nowadays. as long as one doesnt eat dinner at home, i dont get to see them. and, i start to miss them. the way we spend hours talking to each other, the way we argue, joke and laugh over dinner and every other thing. now, i get locked up in my room all day long, studying. wow, what a wonderful life.

for goodness sake, leave me outta of the shit now okay. please.

2010-09-27T14:17:00.002+08:00

i dont see why people want to suffer or go on diet and mistreat the body for no good reason. our body is God'd temple. we shouldnt treat it like that.

weekend was splendid. went for cell group outing with cg to east coast park. biked for 4 hours. followed by aston and ben and jerry's with the scholars. enjoyed myself thoroughly laughing and joking around with them. sunday had church followed by going to uncle's place. finally saw the old folks and cousins + nephew/ niece that i missed terribly. f1-ed there and ate super good food. yumyum.

weekend passed greatly but monday just doesnt seem to go my way. results were better than mid years, but horrible still. ah well. thank God for that little bit of improvement still.

2010-09-22T22:59:00.002+08:00

sore.
about friends leaving singapore.
about not being able to see them off.
about results.
about friends being attached.
about friends.
about missing events.
about a's.
about basketball.
about achievements.
about things.
just about things.
i dont know what. just sudden flood of emotions.
sigh..

2010-09-03T17:02:00.002+08:00

im really thankful to be invited to occasions like birthday parties, bbqs, family gathering, musicals or whatever. but often, i weigh the cost and the benefits before making the decision whether or not to go for an event. if you're talking about events for pleasure, it is clearly not the time to go for them. it's not that i dont want to go go for them, but i'm in need for more time to study. i've a's. nevertheless, i understand the heart of those who invite me, and i sincerely grateful to have them. but they do need to understand the situation i am in now. if i'm getting beautiful and awesome results, sure, i'd definitely turn up as long as i can. but sorry, no. telling me to relax is not helping at all. but sure thing, i still love my cousins for hearing me out, encouraging me and always being there for me ( even with or without babies) but i really do need this time. a's come and go only once in a year. birthdays happen annually, bbqs at any time of the year. i know i've been missing from many gatherings recently, but i'll make up for it. i assure you. once i've cross the hurdle, i'll come go more often. for now, please leave me alone.. but, i still do appreciate you guys, every single one of you, blood-related homosapien.

2010-08-13T18:31:00.003+08:00

i can be the one cheering my friends up, encouraging them, telling them to go on and not be tired and stuff, but at times, i feel the same as them. in fact, i should say i feel worst than them. no sign is showing that i'm even able to get into uni with my current grades now. no one understands how much i study at home although i play and fool around in school. i bet no one even knows i study. not producing results does not equate to not studying. yes, i dont deny i do selective homework. but for those work that i do, do i even get a grade that my hard work turns into? no. getting back papers after papers with nothing but a big fat U, or even single digit scores, as bad as like 10%. all they say is, i'm not studying or i dont put in effort to do my work. my friends says that, my teachers do to. and all who sees me study the shit outta me are my parents. but, i never did tell them how badly i'm doing in school. cause they'd just go on saying how i'm stressing them or just telling me that it's okay and walk off. not that i want them to chide me or any sort, but there's just no one who knows what i'm doing. i'm not some genius unlike others who can go off without studying or just studying a little. i'm different. people just associate those that are not doing well to not studying. i really dont know how else to help myself. it's not that i didnt study. i'm tired. really. at least when people study, they see results. when i study, i see nothing but even worst results. so why bother studying? tell me. really. teachers come after me to see them for consultation, remedial and one after another. i seldom even reach home before 7. they expect me to revise for the time practise. but they dont even give me the time to do so. how am i supposed to? consultations. not that i dont want to see them. but i really have no time. breaks are eaten up by extra lessons. 2 hours of chem, 1 hour of physics, 1 hour of maths for every single week. plus they give time assignments that we're to do by that day. like 2 econs essays by that day. time practise during class time is turned into time practise AFTER school. so how am i supposed to go home and study? how? my content up there is 0%. throw me a billion. it'll be 0% if i do not have time to study. so why? stop fighting for me will you teachers. i know you all care. but really, i need my fair share of time to study and rest too. i cant use ALL breaks studying and mugging. i need to eat. my breaks are squeeze to 30 minutes only. how short do you want it to be? i see my friends who are less hardworking than me scoring so much better than me, but i see nothing. they wave their scores right before me, saying how much it sucks, have you ever considered my feelings? at least some do shut up but not everyone does. i really feel like slapping them upside down. one day i should do that. but who can i blame all these? no one, but myself. perhaps sometimes it's better to drop out. i wonder what kept me in jc for one over year. and a's is in 3 months. and i feel as though i just entered jc with totally no knowledge at all. nevermind. no one understands, no one sees. people will just think they're feeling the same too. nevermind. only God knows. mercy Lord.

2010-08-04T20:13:00.002+08:00

im officially legal, as many would say, as of yesterday.

yeap. finally my turn to turn 18. i wonder if i should use the word " finally" or not. because it means im getting old, but it means im growing up, maturing at the same time. the day was awesome. started getting angpows from parents and relatives over the weekend. went to celebrate with family at astons specailities. spent like 100 over bucks there followed by ben and jerrys. sunday, parents bought ice cream cake =D. so at 12 recieved quite a number of msges and im really glad that they bothered and remembered. went to school and aud made breakfast for me! so sweet! my dear girls surprised me and i was really shocked by them because usually im the one planning it. and they didnt wish me earlier. so i thought they forgot. but nevertheless, they came from behind and sang birthday song for me. touched ttm. ong chin meng and ms kat somehow knew it was my birthday and wished me as well. mum took leave and cooked some of my favourite food. yum yum. opened facebook and recieved over a hundred of wishes. wow. totally shocked me. i didnt know that many people actually bothered to wish. made my day, all of them. gonna celebrate with clique of 7 soon and with zh girls! whooo.

thank God for the day, my family, my friends and all those wishes. thank You Lord.

thanks for remembering. if you did continue the conversation and asked me what i wanted, i would have told you.

2010-08-01T17:26:00.002+08:00

life has been good so far. was talking to my friend about being happy, and sermons today was about that.
1) dont care about how others judge you

3I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.1 Corinthians 4:3-4
by not caring how others judge you or how you judge yourself, it makes you happier because all you have to think of is your clear conscience. ignore those who babbles about how bad you are, how irritating or being a jackass. dont depend on how others look at you. if they're full of praises, good for you. but if its the other way, you dont have to care.

2) do not worry

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
worrying gives you unneeded unhappiness. let nature take it's own course. there are so many things to worry about. a never ending list. so why bother since it doesnt solve any thing but just make you disappointed and continue sighing and sighs.

3) think about the good things

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
indeed. thinking about the good things will make you happy. think about how you smiled uncontrollably or how you rolled on the floor laughing. aint they so much better to think about compared to when you cried, when you was filled with anger and hatred. it makes you even worst.

4) be contented

1I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.Philippians 4:11
as economists goes, there are alot of wants, but there are only a limited amount of resources lest we have to forgo something. new technologies are invented so often - i touch , i pad, play station, wii and the list continues to go on. wanting all of them will definitely make you crack your brain to get all those ( esp for students who arent working). in the process, you get all sad and muddled up. so why bother? why not enjoy those things you already have?

the last point which relates to christians:
5) follow God's will.

following God's will will allow you to live a much simple life. instead of battling with Him, why not go with Him? in the book of joshua, joshua led his man to do destroy towns after towns upon seeking God. however, they failed to do so when they came to the city - Ai. Ai was a much smaller town. so essentially, they would not have any problems destroying the town since they have already done so to other towns. unfortunately, they failed to seek God. and they failed to destroy ai. so isnt following God's will much simpler?

i think i'm happy. i do not have any thing i want or need. im contented. im happy with the people around me. i'm delighted with how sweet they are. going to mac just cause i wanted to. walking slowly cause i sprained my ankle. accompanying me while waiting for my dad to come and so much so much more. i'm happy. =)

2 more days to my birthday. and i aint looking forward to it. time pract till 6.45. wow.

2010-07-31T21:17:00.002+08:00

didnt want to post. but..

" be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" joshua 1: 9

2010-07-27T21:39:00.003+08:00

you said for you. i will. you'll be my motivation. cause of everything you've done for me.

third time spraining my ankle due to basketball from march till now. and cause of me, my girls couldnt continue playing. a full team, yet cause of me, we had to stop =(.

2010-07-09T21:13:00.002+08:00

okay. im totally screwed up. beyond measures. and quoting my mum, all i can do is to depend and lean on God. thats about the only thing i can do. the week hadn't been good with results coming in, breaking and tearing my heart bit by bit. i'm at the rock bottom now. and i cant go any further down. i dont really wanna touch on this topic now.

on a lighter note, i see people who really care. the 3 guys who sit around me, trying to help me see where went wrong, comforting me when i cried, treating me to ice cream, telling me to study hard and not give up, patting me when i needed, asking if im alright and offering to help me. at the end of the day, it's still them who makes me smile, comfort me and put me on the right track once again. i dont care what others say about me mixing with you guys, but i know i didnt make a wrong choice.

in addition, i may have overcome some crap stuff about basketball no one knows it exist. the first thing i wanted to do after all the shit, was to play ball. and yes, i did. it just took away all my pain, turned me into a kid and enjoyed the game. thanks, definitely my basketball girls who accompanied me every time i needed someone. seeing me eat, shopping with me for tidbits, just being there and sharing with me. man, i love the team to bits.

i need to pick myself up. starting from.. next week. i will, i must.

at least i have something to be thankful and happy about. =)

2010-07-08T23:10:00.001+08:00

its my mentality.. i gotta conquer it.

2010-07-05T15:36:00.003+08:00

one word to express how i feel about the past three days: SPLENDID.
with the people i love, who makes me smile and laugh heartedly.

sorry, i know i disappointed you, time and time again. the faith you had in me, crushed slowly.. i dont know why i actually am so bothered by how you feel. perhaps it's cause you trusted me and i respect you greatly. in times where i hurt the most, you were there to support me in everything i needed and did to lead. you saw my flaws and taught me how to grow. i dont really know what im thinking now, nor do i know why i've changed so much. from the good little girl in primary school, to the rebellious one with disciplinary problems. i've no idea what changed me. but nevertheless, thanks for the wonderful year and your prayers. for without them, i wont be called "captain" and i would have felt more unbearable. thanks for handing the bunch of girls to me, in my hands. its because of you, i have them. sorry for not being able to meet up to your expectations. sorry..

at the rate im going, im really afraid i'd lose this group of people who is so dear to me, that no words can express. i really hope nothing will change while i go forward for my A's. i dont want friendships strained, and definitely not the relationship with the person that love us. i know it's important. the three Holy, which includes Holy community. i need them.

I will serve the Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

I will love You Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength

I will love You
I will praise You
I will serve You, Lord
I will trust You, Lord

i stand tallest on my knees, in front of you.

actually, i feel so carefree, with no worries, no burdens. but then again. i'm in a situation that is totally the opposite.

2010-07-03T20:40:00.002+08:00

sense of jubilation, for perhaps just three days or less. definitely, had some fair share of fun and there's more to come, i guess. sakae sushi-ing with my dear girls, going crazy together, talking and laughing damn loudly, discussing about dramas and creating a din in the movie store, sitting around malls and getting chased away by security, like usual, on friday. durian-ed in malaysia today and shopped. came back and bumped into bethel youth. met rachael after damn freaking long and joined them for young adults. i guess it's a sense of belonging that is still deep in me. the friendships since young, attending sunday school together, exploring church together, climbing over the fence in the canteen, lying at the playground watching stars.. so much so much fond memories, but i chose to put it all down. and instantly, we talked and talked. perhaps i would go back with her biweekly for young adults session. maybe.. maybe not.. gonna go out with the scholars for dinner tomorrow. great=)

2010-06-30T22:45:00.001+08:00

sorry mum, sorry dad.

2010-06-24T10:02:00.002+08:00

well, 3 more days to mid years..
everyone's freaking out including me..
guess everyone feels the same, unprepared and stuff. so ain't gonna blog more about it. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

half of me feels like i wanna fall sick and skip mid years. the other half wants to face it and get 5 Us back. not like i havent done so.

2010-06-19T09:21:00.002+08:00

the stupid renovations and drilings and poundings and pilings and whatever is still freaking unbearable.

on a lighter note.
just came back from basketball chalet. WHOHOOOOOO. had a damnnnnnnnnnn good time=). went to sentosa with only one hour of sleep to meet church youths plus malaysian youths. had a wonderful time too playing captain's ball and basketball.weeeee. sadly i didnt get sunburnt =( the two days of the holidays i actually went out.

1 more week of mugging for mid years..
but..
5 more months for A's.

2010-06-14T10:19:00.002+08:00

and the STUPID RENOVATION IS KILLING ME! I CANT EVEN HEAR MYSELF.
what the shittttttttttt.
how the heck am i to study. THANKS A MILLION BILLION GAZILLION GOODNESSS.

okay. perhaps why im so angry is not just cause of the noise alone but cause I CANT DO MY FREAKING MATHS. ZzzzzZZZZZzZZZZ. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr.

2010-06-14T09:10:00.002+08:00

second week into the hols.
two more weeks to the end of the hols.
two more weeks to the start of the exam.
still using the computer very frequently. dont even know what i do with it.
i'm pretty happy with the hols cause i really slept alot ( not study alot sadly.)
even if i study nothing goes in.
only if i can be more discipline and use the remaining two more weeks to the fullest..
cliche saying, true though.

on the other hand,
having basketball chalet on thursday and friday.
sentosa outing with anshao on friday.
cycling plus bbq with anshao next next saturday.
=D
i wonder why all the outings came only in the last two weeks. ah well..

why should i even care when you didnt bother.

2010-06-07T22:26:00.004+08:00

thoughts.

i wonder why people want their parents to fetch them up and down when they can travel themselves. apart from those who stays in private houses, having to walk deep deep down into the estate before getting home,or those who stays relatively far away from the bus stop/ train stations, or some unforeseen circumstances where quick transportation is needed, i really dont understand why people demand that their parents fetch them. after asking a few, their answers are firstly, lazy. secondly, tired. thirdly, faster. fourthly, more convenient. but i dont see any of these as a reason good enough. if you're lazy, why cant your parents be lazy as well? if you're tired, arent your parents tired too? if it's faster, wont it be slower for your parents cause they've to make a detour just to send you to whereever? if it's convenient for you, wont it inconvenient your parents because they've to go out of the way just to give you a lift? i admit i was like that when i was younger. i never did need to take any form of public transport. but, i've stopped. especially this year. once in a while, yes, because of time constrain or rain. but not on a daily nor weekly basis. not. at. all. it's not that my parents love me less than any of theirs do, but i think they deserve their fair bit of rest. it pains me to see them waking up earlier to just fetch me to school, or having to come home slightly later just to pick me home when they can rest for a little longer. they've their rights to do whatever they want to instead of ferrying me around. what do i deserve that any way? cause i'm their little princess? sorry, no. i am still their little gem though i dont get ferried around. they're getting old, at least my parents are. they need to rest too. working and doing house work is bad enough. having them fetch me is already a benefit for me. so, i demand no more from them.. perhaps people should think for their parents rather than for themselves alone..

next, i realised im really fortunate. after hearing stories about how poor people are, i really must must must admit that i'm so much better off than them. i dont have any financial difficulties, i have whatever i want, i get to learn what i want to and i have a complete family with loving parents and brother and not much family problems except some bickering here and there. what more can i ask for? my parents have provided me with a house to stay in, my room to myself, a personal computer, a personal tv, a phone, good food to eat, sufficient allowance to live, alot of freedom and so much more. i have friends that love and care for me, friends to play sports with, friends to do heart-to-heart talks with, friends to eat with, play with, spend time with, talk rubbish, study with, travel with, complain to, fool around with, meet with and most importantly, pray with. i cant imagine life without any of them.. wow, wonderful life i have, i really have to say.

2010-06-06T21:12:00.003+08:00

i dont know whats wrong with me. i've been sleeping alot, dont feel like eating ( not even food i used to like, nor proper meals), wanting to vomit, not wanting to do anything. i've been dreaming (in my sleep) alot about stupid things, thinking about things like basketball ( alot, alot)almost every night and doing very random things. i miss alot of random people, bethel youths, secondary school friends, basketballers ( senior and team mates), anshao ( though i see them every week!, aj seniors and the list goes on. everything feels wrong, shit. tell me whats wrong, some one.

badminton tomorrow and bbq on 26 with anshao =).

2010-06-04T12:58:00.001+08:00

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

i'll shine, for Him, who loves me more than any thing He created..

2010-06-03T23:45:00.001+08:00

this is my desire, to be used by You. =)

2010-06-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

after so many years, we still practise doing the same thing.

2010-05-30T19:24:00.003+08:00

they made me so scared now. especially since so many are pinning their hopes on me..

once in a while, i dont know who to turn to. cause it seems no one can help me.

the feeling is so not good. especially since so many on stage are your friends. yes, i still cant put it down.

2010-05-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

God will not give you a burden you cannot handle. So, if you find yourself in a mess that is impossible to resolve, Take it as a compliment- God thinks you can do it!

great time with ajbball seniors =D

SCHOOL HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYY

2010-05-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

congrats to my capt and vice capt. i have faith in you two. <3

congrats to you too. proud of you, like usual

2010-05-24T21:05:00.002+08:00

lost my appetite recently.. went to mac, stared at the food, didnt want anything. looked at my goodies in my room, ruffled the bags a little, but didnt eat anything in the end. feel nauseous.. no idea what's happening to me.. hope the cross country run and sushi buffet with seniors over the weekend would help.

holidays soon.. and. my neighbour upstairs will be renovating his house from 22 may till 22 june. thanks a billion.

2010-05-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

though i wish standing and recieving the medals and trophy would have included us..
i'm still proud of ajbball.

2010-05-18T19:53:00.002+08:00

i've been ending school late the past few days. 5 on monday, 515 today followed by wrote essay till 6, 6 tomorrow cause of basketball, 545 on thursday, 415 on friday followed by piano at 5.. what's comforting is meeting my bball seniors tomorrow, zhclique on saturday, mel on monday. oh well.

ain't doing well in school. failed maths despite studying for it. screwed case study up.

their words are so hurtful. but i guess with the good for me in their minds.

2010-05-16T17:58:00.001+08:00

sigh. typical sunday.

realised all my guy friends, are either in army, attached, or so distant from me. =/

2010-05-16T01:52:00.003+08:00

awake at almost 2 am for the second day in the row. totally screwed up sleeping hours i have. napped for 5 hours in the afternoon.

any way, yesterday( friday) was a great day. aj vs rj, AJ WON! the match was a good fight from both parties. pretty exciting one, making us jump with triumph. they ought to be lauded, seriously. 3 people fouled out with 5 fouls, and our main centre was hit by an rj player, leading him to stitches. gawhhh. hope he can play on wednesday for finals with hc. had a churchie girl heart to heart talk at night at bella's place. pretty good session. perhaps we should have more.

5 more months, that's all i'm left with.

2010-05-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

sigh. compared to two years ago, i've somehow lost my motivation and will to study. in fact, i find fooling around, playing, going out and eating more attractive. pray about it for me man. big A's.

think i need to head to the treadmill soon or do some running. been eating alot alot, especially fast food and not exercising for a week. i actually have already put on weight =XX.

kinda can't wait for friday..

2010-05-07T17:47:00.001+08:00

bro, it's so good to know you've grown up. i'm happy for you, big bro! loves!

2010-05-06T18:49:00.003+08:00

perhaps the world is coming to an end, with so many floods, earthquakes, terrorist attack and such..

very often, i don't understand what is happening.
very often, i don't understand what people are thinking.
and now, i really don't understand why people are doing what they do. it makes me wonder, why cant people be simple and innocent? maybe just a day of it would help. why are enemies acting as best friends? i have never regretted leaving, because, now i feel much happier and contented with the people around me, the other 6. the 6 who are true and know what friendship is. the 6 who don't bother putting on a facade, feigning. they don't scoff, they don't belittle. what dawned upon me recently is that life is more than but about studies. i don't need straight Aces, i don't need a scholarship. what i need, is to do my best and live a life, not other's, not studies driven life. even if i eventually don't do as well, i clearly and distinctly know that i've trump in life. firstly, i have friends. real ones. secondly, i have nice, good and sweet memories kept right up close to my heart. isn't that more important? perhaps you're just jealous or insecure. and for that, i forgive you. because it's such a pity you dont have any one to confide in. continue being that way dear, and we'll see =). jiayou with mugging!

and. if you can't accept me for who i am, good bye, i'm more than happy..

with my own eyes, i see how studies, arrogance, pride, vicious, insecure people get overthrown in life..

once in a while, i wonder why ain't i a guy. generally, guys are so much more simple..

2010-04-30T21:32:00.005+08:00

my basketball career has come to a standstill. dont know if i should be happy or sad. happy cause i can study now. sad cause now is the time when we girls are the closest and yet we are separating and we wont have training together any more. sigh. being a captain, has really molded me and allowed me to grow alot. it's the hardest leadership position i have taken up so far in my life, as a class monitor, as a cca head or even as a leader in church. but this role, has stretched me so much, so much. dealing with the team as a friend, as a player and as a captain, isn't one bit easy. especially since i wasn't given a vice. when problems arose, when the team was down, when we had arguments or disagreements, made me learn how to handle things, handle a group of 12 with different thinking, liking, preference. i had to learn how to be fair, not judgemental, sensitive, caring, as well as how to deal with things. it pushed me to be better, pushed me to be stronger, pushed me to the maximum, cause i had to lead. being a captain, really made me grow. and i attribute this to my team who supported me majority of the times, respected me and taught me too. in addition, my seniors, whom i'm always running to whenever i face problems. ( hope they aren't sick of my complains..) and, mr lim, who allowed me to take up this role. last but not least, God, who watched me, guided me, led me through, with His words..

ajbball <3
JIAYOU! =D

2010-04-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

we lost with grace.
we played well.
applause to them. =)
proud of them.
love the spirit.
WHOOOHOO! =D

2010-04-22T22:34:00.001+08:00

my girls just made my day!!! thanks man. i never knew i actually did my job as a captain. WHOO. WE WILL DO OUR BEST YEAH?!?!?! =DD team dinner with 11/12 people today. best record.

2010-04-21T16:46:00.001+08:00

its okay girls,
2 more matches.
we can do it..

2010-04-17T08:37:00.003+08:00

thank God for pw.

sometimes, people put me down. but sometimes, people keep me going. just yesterday, someone said " congrats, you're on your way to a full 90 points and a scholarship." but then, another person said " i dont think you'll do well for a's. cause you're not hardworking enough. after extrapolating a graph, i dont think you'll get your Aces." and both of them, makes me want to study damn hard now, engage a whole group of tutors and just make sure i get my dammn aces. i'll do it. i know i can. for there is nothing impossible with God.

but sorry mummy, burning a hole in your pocket.

2010-04-11T18:24:00.002+08:00

it somehow seems like im always putting things off to later.
i've somehow slowed down in studying.. having the mentality that im having a div and should concentrate on basketball now. my saturday and sunday afternoon's burned up and i'm only left with tonight to do ALL the work. wonderful. kind of losing my determination and motivation to study despite setting my goals and aims recently. all i ever think of is wanting tuition. but i know i cant tuition all subjects. gotta drop that thought soon and start working hard myself. i'm so going to work hard from may onwards. ah well. i sure do need to do some catching up and studying. been totally lost and teachers are bugging me.

9 more days girls.
give it our all.
<3.

2010-04-04T23:01:00.001+08:00

you make me =DDDDD all over again.

like any typical sunday night, i'm rushing my homework..

16 more days.

2010-04-02T08:28:00.004+08:00

sometimes, i feel that,
my mum isn't understanding at all.
though Good friday may be a public holiday,
but teachers DO NOT understand that.
and, christians do need to go to church.
it's not meant to be a holiday, but it is because of the respect for christians who commemorate this day. so, its NOT a freaking holiday for me.
the amount of work they give us, is sufficient to engulf me.
and yet, mum still wants me to go for her church service.
and, lunch after that, which takes up ALOT of time because they always end up chit chatting, something i would regard as a total waste of time.
i can hardly breathe, and the change in basketball schedule has messed up my consultation slots, piano stuff and more.
i'm sufficiently pressured and stressed so please stop adding on to it.
i think im going MAD MAD MAD
thankfully i have understanding and supporting friends like sam and my whole team. phew.

18 more days to first match.
GO GIRLS GO!!! GO GIRLS GOGOGOGOGOGOGOOGOG!!!!
please DRINK MORE WATER and dont fall sick!!!
each and every one of you is needed in the team.

2010-03-27T23:32:00.002+08:00

damn proud of my girls.
came in second for inter-cca race, behind tracks.
what made me so proud of them is,
all the 6j2s are injured, and yet we are still training, still running, not complaining about how injured we are.
in fact, we are training every single weekday, whether there is training or not.
meeting each other in the morning,studying together before training, having breakfast together made my sk!!
how sweet is that? =D
talking about them makes me smile.
if only basketball camp could go on forever, and ever, where all we did was to basketball, eat and sleep. how beautiful will that be. ah well.
hope we'll still stay as close after seasons are over.

had the last committee gathering today at jyds' place with steamboat.
enjoyed playing with cheryl and rachel and they're sick =(
poor thing.
ah well.
all the best for the new committee and hope they'd be able to bring anshao to even greater heights! jiayou!! =D

2010-03-19T18:59:00.003+08:00

damn my ankle.
this is the once a while, where i felt like swearing.
and instead, i just cried, sprawling on the ground. " oh God, help me."
double sprain in two days.
and being the ever so persistent and strong person i always am,
this time, i really cant train.
it was so painful till i slammed the ground so many times like some WWE wrestler.
guess i have to guai guai sit down and watch tomorrow's friendly.
though my heart would probably wrench, i'll rather recover for A div.
sigh.
pray.. for me..

2010-03-15T20:36:00.003+08:00

for my teachers love me so.

miss ma gives me endless amount of consultations despite being so so tired after every tutorial. yet, she never ever did once told me she's tired nor has she ever rejected me. putting up with all my failures in spite of all the extra hard work she has put in, still seeing me, never giving up on a seemingly hopeless student. squeezing out time just to see me with an already jam packed schedule and offering to teach me once a week. fitting into my schedule and withstanding my rejects when offered to me. i cant find any other teacher, who has never given up on me upon having nothing in return, except failing and failing. and still encouraging me and advising me after every consultation, reassuring that i'll be fine eventually. wonderful teacher in deed. i'll miss her so so much. no amount of words can ever describe how thankful i am to her.

miss kat sent me a msg i would never have expected, telling me to study during the holidays. not only that, she wants me to make it a point to start revision. she even told me that she understands how busy i am, but at least meet a bare minimum of passing ( now i think i failed horribly for econs >< ) she added that i should consult my seniors on how they managed to juggle both cca and studies. it made me feel really encouraged knowing how caring my pd/econs teacher is. and perhaps, yes, i will start econs soon.

mr ong, his words of wisdom, advising me to stay consistent in my work and not lag behind. citing himself as an example where by he was 1 month ahead of his peers despite going for mission trip, achieving and honors. just being a christian already makes me feel comfortable, some how.

i've really realised that my teachers are jewels.

for my friends that love me so.

church friends that pray so much for me in whatever difficulties i face, allowing me to confide in them.

secondary school mates that desperately wants me out during the march holidays despite my busy schedule.

school mates that help me with my work, teaching me, helping me take notes.

basketball seniors that i can go do for advice on how to lead the team.

random people who bothers offering to teach me, study with me, eating with me or merely just dropping me a msg to see how i am.

for the three in one that loves me so.

i'm not ashamed.

2010-03-11T22:33:00.002+08:00

with people down,
with morale low,
with tears filled eyes,
with stress that crushes,
with mixed feelings,
with tiredness,
with stupid mistakes,
with scolds and yells
what keeps us going is
one heart that beats,
one goal in mind,
one aim to work with,
one body to run,
one mind that perseveres,
one team and that's all we need
all i want to say is :
be strong girls. 别灰心，一起奋斗 ♥

in circumstances like today, i felt so so lost.

2010-03-05T23:21:00.004+08:00

A levels results today.. was super happy for some, especially mel, but at the same disappointed in some. any way, was so so happy for mel that she was one of the top in cohort. seeing at how well she did, i really thank God for this sister in christ. not only can she play basketball well, study well, but most importantly serve God. being a leader in church, playing for worship and so many more. she isn't selfish, bothering to teach me when she had prelims and i had promos. listen to me, encourage me and advice me. she's like totally my role model in so many aspects. she's one of the few whom motivates me and encourages me without needing to do anything. really wonderful girl.

i still refuse to accept that she's resigning =(..

starting to lag behind school..

fixtures for a div is out.. kind of worried though think i should be happy.

2010-03-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

inner peace. =)

2010-03-03T23:17:00.004+08:00

suddenly, i feel very tired of life. i'm happy, no doubt. but now, i feel like my life is like a routine. i dont even have any time for myself, nor studies, nor God. i've been reaching home at 10 like the past few days and the subsequent days. i'm so tired. i miss my home so much now. this week made it even worse cause of addition stuff like j1/2 bonding and cca leaders meeting with principal that sucked up all my only free time of the week. wednesdays are the essential rest time i get from the hectic and horrible week cause i've no training and lesson ends early. and this week, it's gone.i've two more training days i need to last. and i'm tired when i havent even surpass the first half of the week. i.n.e.e.d.m.y.r.e.s.t. what made it even worse is that nationals for basketball is pushed back, 7 weeks from now. i wonder how i can even last in that 7 weeks when i'm already half dead. being the captain, i know the whole team depends on me to keep the spirit, the morale up high. and thats the only reason why i haven't collapsed. i cant keep falling down, rolling over and picking up myself like how i did( physically). if only that was mentally so as to keep pushing me. if only next week was holidays.. just give me 5 hours for myself, and is all i demand. thankfully, the three amazing guys keep me laughing in school, making school more interesting and bearable for me with all their rubbish. i wonder how mundane school would be like without them. their stupid and dirty jokes and actions really brightens my day everyday. they accept the nonsensical part of me, whereby i can totally be myself. but.. i miss having a guy to lean on at times.

when everyone is down in the shit..

i have..

God, my shelter, my comfort, my refuge.
in You i put my hope.
hold on to me Lord, for i need You.
oh please Lord.

=((((((((((((((((((((((((((.

2010-02-28T19:45:00.003+08:00

Lord, grant me the right attitude towards my examination,
that even when I study, I want to glorify Your name.
Give me the strength that I may press on,
perseverance that I may endure,
good health that I may study effectively.
Help me to be single-minded when I study,
remove all other thoughts, distractions and anxieties.
Give me the power to concentrate,
the ability to understand and to remember.
Show me the way to study intelligently,
to know what is important and what is not.
Provide me Lord with quality time in my studies,
remove all tensions and fears within me.
Fill me with Thy confidence,
teach me to draw strength from You each day.
Let me learn to trust You in such times.

In the examination hall, be with me Lord.
Grant me the clarity and sharpness of thought.
Let me not get distracted by things around me.
Give me concentration and calmness Lord.
Help me to gather my thoughts of what I’ve learnt.
Grant me the discipline
to space out time equally on all questions.
Most of all, help me to complete the questions on time.

Despite examination Lord, continue to grant me
quality time with You, let me not neglect You.
Give me a balanced diet between my studies
and my service for You.
I just want to commit the whole examination
into Your hands,
Knowing that You are a God who cares and answers
THANK YOU! In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and Saviour, AMEN

tired + knee hurts + exams = cranky me.

one thing that made me feel contented in my 1 year of service in church as the vice president is the population now. despite seeing a drop half way, God grant us new people. in the past 2 - 3 months, there has been at least 6-8 new comers, of which at least 4 stayed. Hallelujah.

was msging est today.. and realised, it's been long since we had a heart to heart talk. it dawned on me that i havent had any heart to heart talks with any one for long.. i'm so so preoccupied with so many things, so much till i may be losing touch with myself soon. my friend asked me recently " how are all your friends you used to be closed to?" and i replied. " i'm close to none already. too busy, no time." and now i feel so guilty for that. my life seems to revolve round studies and studies only. sigggggggggh.

2010-02-25T21:54:00.003+08:00

it's been ages since i'm home at this timing on a training day.
nevertheless, felt good the whole day upon hearing the voice of people whom i havent heard for months, seen for months. though it was just 30 seconds, it made me think of you the whole day. many birthdays these two days. 3 people yesterday and 2 today. hope jo was touched by our surprise yesterday along with boon jing. any way, think im seriously sleep deprived. i have never seen myself sleeping for the whole lecture and it happens every single day now. i really wonder why am i that tired.. feeling the stress now especially since tests are round the corner and there're still things i have yet memorised and unsure of. homework starts piling up, with remedial eating into my training time, causing our whole training schedule to screw up. a divisions are in 6 weeks and my knee is getting from bad to worse. it hurts every single morning. yes, that bad. sigh. tired.. but, im not even at my peak yet. gotta stay strong, gotta hold on. =D

2010-02-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

weekends are here. but.. this week end, is filled not only with homework, but with visitations as well. any way, didnt play well for this week at all =(. like all my skills have gone back to zero. knees are still aching and taping seems to be ineffective already. sigh.. broke down during chem today in front of ms ma. it's been long since i cried. and yet i did so today. oh well.. hope the weekend would go fine for me =/.

2010-02-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

school resumes tomorrow, after 4 long days of break of which i now start to dread. if only the break was longer..
chinese new year made me realise something. jc/poly people seems to be the only more stressed out people ( exclude uni) compared to kids, NS men, working adults. it's kind of ironic because shouldn't it be the older we get, the busier we ought to be? after numerous amount of visits which has become some sort of routine, i was the only one who needs to rush home. why? to study because of the huge pile of work teachers give. it makes me wonder. are they teaching malay/ indian students or have they forgotten that we need to celebrate chinese new year too? weekends after weekends, i see my brother - the NS men, coming back so cheery, so carefree, enjoying his saturdays and sundays, being able to do whatever he wants. may it be playing computer games, watching tv, going out till late or merely just staying home to read. unlike him, i have to stick my head in books, flipping newspapers to find articles, doing tutorials till late at night, not being able to rest one bit. same goes for the working adult- mum. she comes home, having no homework to do, except probably the house work. apart from that, she doesn't need to sit in her swirl chair for hours and hours, vigorously writing away, cracking her brain so much so it's going to explode. whats more, retired people - dad. he has the most time in the world, getting busy with volunteer services at community centers, visiting old folks and doing what he likes like playing golf, going to the gym daily or swimming. ignoring the fact that kids get to so innocently play and not worry about their results so much, isn't it true that jc/ poly kids are far worst off than any one? constantly having to bear in mind the mountain of never ending work load, the tests coming up, and worst, the monsterous A levels in 200 odd days. it has come to a point, whereby looking at them, makes me jealous, making me question myself as to why i'm still suffering unlike them. but then again, my time will come soon.

i seems to not be able to stand people much nowadays. especially those around me. i wonder why. sometimes, i think that they're so fake and that words comes out merely either to attract attention or for their own advantage. nothing of them is real and everything is done with a selfish, self-centered reason. the more i think about how people compare with others, the more it peeves me. so much so for the "others have help, i don't" or the stupid questions asked without crossing brains. or wanting to follow others but is not able to do so. at times, i wonder why people are poor. exclude the fact that the family income isn't that high, but what about expenditure wise? my dad once told me, in order to be rich, one must save. and i think i can gladly attribute the reason why we're in this state today, is because he saves. we save. not scrimp though. i'm not boasting about how rich we are because we are not, but i know the necessity not to spend money on luxury goods when not needed. branded clothes compared to cheap ones. whats the difference? the brand. nothing else. apart from foot wear and school bags, there isn't a necessity to get branded stuff. yes, i did want branded things like watch, wallet, clothes and all when i was younger. but now, i know there isn't a need. money can be better spent elsewhere for greater enjoyment, greater pleasure. so, why bother spending on Gucci, Prada, or what so ever? nothing is gotten in return EXCEPT for perhaps attention, of which i clearly do not need. i dont know why i've deviated so much from my initial statement about friends. perhaps it's cause every little thing irritates me nowadays. bad sign eh.

i use to not like the fact of certain people talking to me so often. but now, i can say, i miss them.. people who use to send me good morning msges everyday, talk to me everyday, meet everyday, are slowly disappearing from my life. it's my problem, their problem, or the society's problem? sometimes, i wonder if our friendship ever mattered or mean a thing. sometimes, i blame our busy schedules or myself for not treasuring the time and not making any effort. but.. why is the situation getting more and more prevelant today? that, i have not had an answer. perhaps it's my problem after all - ill discipline, lousy time management, EQ of zero, not thoughtful at all.

with this, school resumes in a couple of hours.. at least i manage to have a good rest.

i hope on sunday, miracles would happen. with that, God bless.

p.s. the above isn't referring to any one and in any case, if you'd like to object as to what i say, go ahead. we live in a democratic society, mind you.

2010-02-13T19:49:00.002+08:00

after 18 years of reunion dinner,
today,
is the first time,
without my aunt,
with mum and dad preparing it fully
and, without a maid.
not that the maid part does matter, but while eating, i had a weird feeling. like something, someone, was missing. and i clearly knew that it was aunt ( maybe a little of having a maid?). i remembered how much i thought she was troublesome, in the way and everything. but i start to miss her. i start to miss her presence, i start to miss how she'd send me to the bus stop everyday, i start to miss her creeping into my room every night. i start to miss her keeping food for me, i start to miss how i'd complain to her about stuff. i start to miss her encouragements and i start to miss saying hello to her every time i step into the house. most importantly, i miss her, herself, her being. there're so many regrets, that i dare not think. regret not taking a photo with her when uncle offered, regret not visiting her before her death due to mid years, regret not giving her more to eat, regret not spreading the gospel to her, regret not treating her better, regret not thanking her, regret not spending more time with her. there are so much so much more. as the saying goes " we only learn to treasure after losing it" and i cant agree more with the statement. oh well.. all i can do now is to study hard and do her proud like how she has always wanted me to. and, i will.

on a lighter note, today is the FIRST day since school started that i can wake up as late as i want, sleeping to my heart's contend. when i was younger, i used to think staying at home is such a bore. but now, staying at home is like a rare opportunity i won't want to miss. studies still have to go on despite the festive season, that, i know. but, the thought of being able to stay home, with my whole family, is sufficient for me even if my head is stuck in my books. perhaps it'd be even better if aunt was around still..

last but not least, happy chinese new year and happy valentine's day. =D

2010-02-12T19:45:00.004+08:00

happy day today =D
received loads of chocolates and sweets from people. =DD
basketball girls made me smile, giving me a sense of unity i never had before. perhaps it's cause we've been through all kinds of shit and rubbish together, making us stronger as one, knowing each other better. =D
co9 made me smile too. =D
thank God for them. cause without them, guess my life would be so empty. cliche eh.

i cant wait for all the photos taken today..

cny =D

edit.

i realised i've alot of christian teachers around, which is a good sign after all =). they use the teachings of Jesus, the basics of Christianity to teach me how to overcome obstacles, how to battle against evil just when i really need it. it's indeed a wonder how God works..

2010-02-09T22:22:00.001+08:00

guess i played well today =D

2010-02-08T03:16:00.002+08:00

blogging at the weirdest time of all, 3.16am.
wonder why i'm awake? cause i slept at 8pm and woke up at 12am due to my unfinished stack of work.

things have been going quite well ( cause there isn't much tests YET or at least i haven't got the results for those which i've took.) new batch of j1s came for basketball, of which a few of them impressed me despite not having any experience at all. met up with zhclique to celebrate shaohan's birthday on saturday and had a great time with them, ice-creaming like usual. went to watch a basketball match with chongyang, slingers versus indonesia, of which slingers lost by a few points. some pretty good shots but the referee was quite bias. number 21 wasted a few good opportunities by not shooting and towards the end, we all knew there isn't a possibility of a turn over. but, nice match indeed. at least they weren't thrashed like their second match. =D

chinese new year is coming. cant wait =D.

someone told me. what's great in human is humility. and Jesus had it. so when being humiliated by people, just remember how Jesus went through, being humiliated on the cross by so many people. and He did so much so much more for us. hallelujah. Jesus, pioneer of humility. =DD

2010-02-01T22:01:00.002+08:00

有时痛得很, 有时看到，想到便会笑。

一次的失败，但我会再来一次，直到你与主永永远远.

玩够了，休息够了。该开始拼了。加油吧! cause we're in this shit together..

2 more months girls, we'll hang on together alright? =D

2010-01-31T15:20:00.002+08:00

felt relax from school this week, somehow.
managed to get my fair bit of sleep today since church started at 930pm.
realised people in my life really makes me smile at times.
firstly, knowing that i love prawn cracker, yongkhang bought 1 kg worth of it from malaysia, bringing some to school for me everyday.
secondly, khuibing and a few others surprised me by coming back on friday to train us just cause i told kb that friday's training isn't productive.
thirdly, the encouragements i get from samantha and virnice every time i tell them i'm stressed up.
there are so much so much more that people have done for me, keeping me going. and i really wish i could be like them, bringing smiles to people..

there's this particular person, whom i see needs God. so, keep me in prayers so that one day, that person will come to church and.. recieve christ.

xyzxf is my current drama craze.

thank God for the week. =D

2010-01-26T22:10:00.000+08:00

screwed basketball up today.
sigh.
damn my knees.

2010-01-24T23:50:00.002+08:00

saw two people accept Christ today, and i just hope my friends would too. it's such a joy and i'm so so happy for them. got to pray and keep my faith knowing that God will do work in His time. =D

the world is indeed small.

2010-01-24T00:01:00.005+08:00

2nd week of school has past.
pretty fast and tiring at the same time with training ending at 9pm which was totally not productive cause coach was with the guys as usual.

went out today with the gang of 9 to celebrate yk's birthday. met the three guys earlier to "walk-walk" before meeting the rest of the girls. they kept making me laugh despite knowing that i have muscle aches and kept complaining about the distance we're walking when it's LESS THAN 5 MINUTES! group of jokers =D. we spent like 1 hour in popular laughing around. met the rest of the girls and went to astons for dinner. bumped into yh and some aj teachers and we started going super high making fun of people's name and cindy cause she eats damn slowly. we even counted the number of times she chews before swallowing while waiting for her to finish her food. incorporated names into cheers and started doing aj cheers as we walked. camwhored like crazy and i guess everyone around thought we were some crazy people. laughed, made noise, joked like no one's business. kinda ironic how we sort of couldn't get along with them initially and now we're so close. oh well. got yk a bag he wanted and headed home. and all of them were shocked by how much photos i can take AND pose. LOL. enjoyed myself alot, alot today. =DD. hope there'd be more of this kinda 9-clique outing. =)

like how the way things are in my life now.. =)

and. tan yingyun. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

a few people told me this this week: confidence comes from practicing.
true indeed.

2010-01-19T21:55:00.005+08:00

some things just dawned on me today.
what if i cant play for A divisions after training so hard, so long?
what if i cant run any more?
what if i cant even walk?
after everything, it starts to worry me now. the pain kicks in when im not even on my second round on the track. it hurt for the whole day, unlike the previous weeks. it's getting worst and worst. so bad that i could hardly climb any stairs. but.. i ended up training still. cant bear to see the girls sweat, run everything and i, the captain sit there watching. hurts me even more since there're so few people. just hope my knee recovers before track and field, before nafa, and most importantly, before a divisions.. sigh.

renovation is finally nearly completed after so long. kind of like my house better now, except for having so many furnitures..

lost concentration half way just when i was doing well..

慢慢也习惯了，慢慢也没感觉了。

2010-01-17T15:38:00.011+08:00

Good day to all. =)

the first week of school is over, with tests already coming up. feel totally tired, shagged, drained and fatigue when it's just the first week. thankfully training was canceled on friday so i had sufficient time to recuperate. totally needed that rest and time to catch up with school work. being the ever so slow person i am in catching stuff, i already felt that lessons was going at too fast a pace for me to catch up. nevertheless, i have no choice. oh well.. but i think my teachers are good. i believe better than last year for some. so i should be contented =). had a few meetings with council here and there for events like agm, open house, cca showcase and stuff like that. feel that some councilors ought to go for further training in order to deliver better and clearer speeches and briefings. ( my opinion. don't be insulted. no personal attack..) but at the same time, there're good speakers in council too.

shared with anshao my experience on how good and graceful God is and ended up crying. just dawned on me how thankful i should be, now that i've successfully gone through j1. remembered vividly that day when i got back my results, with kb and mel hugging me. and i was desperately telling them i didnt want a retest. cant forget that day still.. so scary, so disheartened.

went for baby ryan's first month and wow. there were so many babies there! like 10! serious. took some photos using bro's camera worth 6k. cant post any cause my computer cant read the files and he lent the disc to his friend. rah. next time maybe.. after my photography skills improves =). supposed to visit the zoo ( i typed library initially which shows that i'm thinking about work ><) after the lunch but whole family decided to give it a miss.

hope the next week and next weekssss will go fine.

friday suddenly gave me a feeling that my friends around me in jc are so fake, so fake. i dont know which is the true them, can i trust them or whatsoever. some of their actions make me feel like they are just putting up a show in school, whereby school is merely just a stepping stone to get into university. all of our ultimate aim is to get into uni, that i dont deny. unfortunately, they give me a feeling that they do not treasure any friendships and all that matters is studies studies studies. whatever is done in school is just an act and when they go out of the school or away from school friends, they return to their trueself. i dont know if it's true or not, but it gives me this feeling. i miss the good old school days in secondary school, where i had this group of 5 to go to, where we are ourselves, at home, in school, where ever. it's not just a friendship in school, but a friendship in and out of school. it's a friendship where by i see effort put in, whereby it's treasured by both parties.. guess this explains my black face on friday. sigh.. but, on the other side of the coin, i have realllllllllly good friends, whom i call friends for a reason =D. what more can i ask for?

guangyi just gently reminded me that we should start studying for A's soon. even he, the lazy guy is reminding me. guess that's all i should do now, casting away all my irrelevant, depressing thoughts..

the 4 people i msg nearly every day, is something i wont want to lose.. not at all.

bro just dumped me with national geographic and times magazine to read. sometimes, i'm really glad to have him. sometimes, he's just horrible vegetable.

2010-01-13T22:42:00.002+08:00

school's open house today. met people, some of whom i haven't seen for ages, some of whom i miss seeing, some of whom i wasn't prepared to see. can't say i feel sad, cause i am happy to see certain people whom i haven't seen for ages, which includes zh juniors and seniors. but can't say i feel happy, cause on seeing some people, memories came back. so i guess it cancels out. think i didn't do that a good in facilitating cause i don't know much about the school and what the ccas are doing. eg. are they creating games or are they to go into the room and stuff like that. thought i could do better.. oh well, at least it was a good experience. seeing how my juniors get so vexed, stressed and indecisive when it comes to choosing schools makes me feel the same as well. especially for those whose parents are firm with their decisions, not allowing the child to have any say. saddens me. especially when i saw someone's sian face today. oh well..

was quite taken aback to see you today cause you told me you weren't going last night. but good to see you after such a long while. couldn't spend much time with you though.. but, heh, i miss the times when we could talk to each other. though i dont mind the current situation at all. hahahaha! ( no one would know what im talking about. ) dont get so confused and stressed over choosing of school okay? remember, you choose, not anyone else. sorry if i did add on to whatever you didnt like in the first place. ultimately, just be happy, dont regret, do well and i'm totally fine with it. jiayou =DD.

first week's of school is gonna be over..

2010-01-11T20:54:00.004+08:00

第一天，我却很累。好多好多事做啊，多得透不过气了。感觉好像要崩溃了。=(

congrats to those who did well for O's. for those who didnt, do well in the next step you take =)

2010-01-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

i remember someone ( guy) telling me: it is because of girls that's why they, guys have problems.
thinking about it, i think it's so so true. ( at least for the problems normal teenagers have) if guys know how much they've hurt girls, perhaps they'd really feel guilty and maybe, even more hurt. and if girls see how much we've hurt them, perhaps they'd feel the same too. but, it proves that the feelings were true ain't it? it's nay impossible to understand what's going through guy's/girl's heart. and i wonder what it'd be like, if everyone doesn't have feelings, real feelings or is already immune to them.. at my age, the most prevalent problems would be being hurt cause of a guy/girl. however, if one day, every one turns happy.. everyone takes relationships or friendships as a joke.. won't the world be much beautiful? there's this chinese saying that goes something like you solve the problems you have created for yourself( i totally can't remember). can we really solve them? naturally, we would think that it's human's nature to feel this way and problems are inevitable. but, can we avoid it? perhaps some, but then again, not all. all i can say is, problems, just like obstacles, allows one to grow and learn. however, since many of us are soft-hearted people, all our promises to "never fall in love again", " stop loving this/that person", " never get tricked by love again" turns to dust and continue to believe that that person is the one who will provide happiness. but after everything, feelings fades, often ends up hating each other, but still missing one another. but cause they're too dependent on each other, because love seemed everything, eventually, a broken heart still. both thought they tried their best, gave their all, but the other party fails to see it. what's the truth? no one knows. everything just seems to be a story, a drama serial.

i wonder why i'm blogging about this, at this time, at this moment, here.

on a lighter note, someone i know, who've dated since sec 3, are getting married soon, after 9 years of dating. =)

2010-01-10T19:24:00.006+08:00

school's starting tomorrow. was kind of excited initially. but after napping, i was hoping time could pass slower so that i can run away for a while more, before facing the monsterous, gigantic, humongous, scary A levels and A divisions. somehow the excitement i contained isn't there already. was thinking what kept me going to school daily. in sec 3, perhaps maths, sec 4, reynold, j1 basketball, j2, i'm still finding. i remember how i used to wake up, seeing msges, being so excited and happy every morning. but, doesn't happen now i guess. rather, it stopped 11 months ago. at least i had company when i was j1, but j2's gonna be different. oh well. friends told me i was much happier, making my whole clique laugh. but i seems to have lost the ability to do all these. but whatever the case is, i'm still a happy little girl now. at least i still have my family, church friends, school friends like meisiu, random people and reynold to make me smile like how he used to. i'm much happier now than in the past year when all kind of shit happened. just hope that in this year of schooling i'll persevere and not start skipping school just cause i can't take the stress. not done with homework, but i've kind of gave up doing cause i want my rest before the long yet short year begins. first day of school and i have to stay back to paint basketball banner. i'll take it as a bonding session together. hope the day will go fine. hope the year will go fine.

my com's dying at the right time i guess.

spent a little more time with church girls today. made me felt relax for a moment. maybe i'll do it once a month despite the busy year. need a time to take a break as well.

O level results tomorrow. all the best for those who're taking your results.
bella, qiquan, mag, gerald, reynold, all my juniors =).

凯雯，该是时候收心养信了. 加油吧! =D.

2010-01-06T20:34:00.003+08:00

basketball camp ended with a basketball test ( of which i didnt do well) and 2.4km run ( of which i didnt complete). camp was strenuous. had many things to take note as a captain along the way. glad a few seniors came back. cause without them, i'd be at a total lost. talking to them about difficulties faced being a captain made me feel much better. gave me encouragement and taught me stuff. team talk was good i guess. at least coach said everyone looked better after team talk. mr lim is right. guess we really need to spend time together. need to be more cooperative. i hope what we keep from all this pain and stuff is the memories. good ones, bad ones. after all, it's the experience and memories that counts. think we're more bonded after the camp already. but there're still separation among us. hope over time, we'll get to know each other better, play with chemistry. saw the fighting spirit again during the losing match. gave me the want to continue playing with you girls. =D. jiayou.

think i need to improve my basketball skills badly though..
and my stupid knee hurts the shit out of me. plus abrasions due to a crap fall. and blisterssss.

i kind of like how things are now. perhaps i've learnt my lesson. but i really enjoy being friends and keeping up the friendships with people. kind of like the way how daryl and reynold bother taking initiative to msg me unlike others. wonder why is it so tough just to take the initiative. oh well oh well.

2010-01-03T19:23:00.003+08:00

basketball camp tomorrow. =DDD

Anshao finance properly done up!

couldn't spend much time with the youths today =(.

perhaps it's cause i havent talked to you for so long continuously, thats why i'm starting to remember the times we used to do so. i'm so surprised i'd msg you when i was totally exhausted.

somehow i still feel like talking to you once in a veryyyyy blue moon. cause you were the only closer friend i lost in 2009. oh well.

2010-01-01T01:29:00.007+08:00

2009年过了，2010年来了。2009年，也许对我来说，是我人生中最最辛苦的一年。感觉上，好像整年都不是过得很顺，也对新的一年感到害怕。可能是因为有会考。考试，从来对我说，是一件没什么的事。但，经过2009年，我的想法完完全全的改变了。可是，我知道，神，为我安排了很多美好的事，等着我。2009年，当上了安少的副团长，当上了篮球队长，在加上合气道，篮球，钢琴，侍奉，读书，把我几乎喘不过起来。好像不管我读多少，成绩都好烂好烂啊，使我整人觉得非常堕落 (demoralized)。在achievement方面，和往年相比，我并没有得到什么，凡而因差的成绩放弃了我喜爱做的事。可能是上帝的安排吧。不管如何，我都需要感谢他，给我度过了这一年，也给我学到了不少属灵的功课。他带给我许多好朋友，好老师，好家人，愿意花时间在我身上，支持我，教导我，给我关怀，给我爱。没有他们，我的一年会更辛苦!

朋友，不知有些现在还是不是。但，我可学到了很多，也把我视线增宽了。

新的一年，要更加努力。2009年所犯的错都不要再放，所不高兴的事，都忘了，所对别人的不好都在这儿说声对不起，也求原谅。希望在耶稣带领，2010年会更好，荣耀主的名,也好好做上帝的仆人。因我知,所需要的力量你天天赐给我，你恩典够我用。
对那些在2009年帮了我的人，真谢谢你们!
to those who helped me in the year 2009: thank you.

2009-12-27T20:06:00.004+08:00

people often tell me..
it's not this way, it's not this way..
but. they often don't tell me how then should i do it, how then it ought to be done.
if so.. how will i even know how to do it?

feel as though i haven't been spending time with my friends, friends whom i really love a lot. i'm always rushing off half way every sunday, unable to make it for gatherings like prawning or swimming or even the bbq. even for camp, i had to go late and leave early. and it's been long since i really really spent time together with them this year.. next year's gonna be worst. but i know i need to make time for fellowship cause it's important. oh well, oh well. sigh.

no one knows the other, true side of you, amidst all your busy attention grabbing of girls. i have been seeing more and more things about you. HA. you wont go far boy, trust me.

the consequences of lousy results.
- give up whatever i like doing.
- getting nagged at every single time i go out.
- losing some trust parents used to have.
- unable to spend time with friends.
- getting very very stressed.
- straining friendships.

2009-12-25T14:05:00.008+08:00

BLESSED CHRISTMAS everyone! =DD

went out with daryl like FINALLY after so long yesterday for lunch and just roam around orchard. met gerard, which was pretty random. decided to talk to him and we were both coincidentally going to town. so yeap. at least managed to catch up with him before he returns to school. both daryl and gerard. walked with daryl from orchard to somerset to dhoby ghuat to little india cause i insisted and being nice, he accompanied me to church.=X afternoon with him was awesome, going to borders to read random books like 150 things a man should know and stuff. followed by carolling with church. first stop was sophia foodmall and the girls were cam whoring half way ><. second was gao mama. and she almost made me tear. goodness. the way she smiled so so widely when we sang the carols, taking the effort to hug all of us.. it really made me want to tear. my heart was so so warmed by her. thank God for blessing her so abundantly up till now! followed by a few more houses and count down. we got super high towards the end ( facebook for videos.) to sum up, christmas eve was totally f.u.n. =D.

service today plus choir. screwed up a little cause the songs were quite tough to sing. ah well. after service, started giving cards and recieved quite a number this year as well. =) the anshao room knob was spoilt and there were people inside! pretty scary for a moment. eventually, they got out from another door. aaaah. scary. thank God there was another door. lunched with family and home. pretty tired cause slept quite little, thus rejected mum for grocery shopping.

i see us a one in christ body now. but when the new year starts.. are we all going to come together, being so bonded or are we gonna be separated like the previous years? we really need to bring more and more people to christ because we do not have enough time. but we, ourselves must be filled with the Holy Spirit, work together as a youth group, not any youth group, but a christian youth group. we are all filled with the Holy Spirit now. we are all renewed. but can we make it last? can our fire for God continue burning and burning like now? can we? it's between each individual and God. i know it's going to be a challenge for me as well as the A level year unfolds. but, i know we have to keep encouraging each other, to continue to keep the fire burning, to continue that desperate want to seek for God. and i really hope, those who used to be so so devoted to God, to come back, come back to Him. He is waiting with open arms, always. Go back to Him, no matter who we are today, or what our past was. we just need to go back to God, cause He is all we ever ever need. God, may you bless anshao. <3, many many.
( no personal attack here.)
furthermore, we can be christians openly. compared to so much more people out there, in other countries, getting killed for being christians. lets not talk about countries far far away, but take singapore. i have friends, around us, that cant be christians openly because of their parents. shouldn't we treasure this faith EVEN MORE? shouldn't we stop taking for granted all these good good opportunities? shouldn't we go back to God because we CAN unlike others? shouldn't we..? there's alot, alot to reflect about.. alot. It's not easy being christians, but WE ARE. only WE can change. if we christians dont do it, WHO will? can we make more effort for God? can we come to church promptly? can we worship him out loud? can we give him our time? i think if God can give His son for us, why cant we give Him back a little..? just a little? these has been going on in my mind for quite a while.. i guess i'm part of it too.

There're still some friends, whom i still wish to continue being in contact with. and to those i recently contacted after so long, i hope that we'd still keep in contact.. like seriously, in contact.

sometimes, i feel as though i'm always the one taking initiative, in everything..
sometimes, i feel people are being so bei1 dong.
sometimes, i feel like giving up everything, everyone.
sometimes, i feel that i've made a big big mistake in things i do.
sometimes, i feel that whatever i've done is wrong.
sometimes, i feel that i've disappointed many people.
sometimes, i feel that everything is against me - people, things.
sometimes, i feel that the world should end at this point of time.
sometimes, i feel that i am the biggest loser on earth - studies, life, everything.
but Jesus came, for me, for you, for us. =D

i bet everyone feels like that at times though..

80% of what we worry does not happen, 12% of what we worry has passed, only 8% of what we worry is worth worrying about.

today is a joyous day. so i should be happy and joyful =D.

and, the things people around me do, really motivates me. no matter where, home, church, basketball, school. really glad for them. =) i'll post more about them in the subsequent post cause without them, i wont even get through this year..

kaiwen, you freaking need to study. stop going out.

ASHER BOOK - Try
If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

listen to the song. superb.

random. i think ah neh looks good today. HAHA!
and the girls were dressed up =)

2009-12-21T22:17:00.002+08:00

he made me smile. wonderful God, who changed him. the fire in him burns, burns, burns. i'm so so so so happy for him now. going out to ask people to come back to God, learning so much about the bible, asking questions to clarify his doubts, most importantly, coming back to God. amazing how God really works.=D

com's back. hope i'd have some discipline to do my work.

i miss talking to people i used to talk to. from sec 1 till now. those i've been close to, those i used to spend alot of time with. was talking to one today, and, i really miss him. really miss them. it's such a pity we dont talk now despite talking so much then. why, why do people leave? i realised so many of them left me.. and yet i did nothing to get them back. perhaps it's time i salvage some of these friendships. platonic friendships which i still cherish alot, alot no matter how long ago it was. oh well.

2009-12-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

first friendly match without the j2s on friday. lost the match. but felt really good. saw my girls ran, saw my girls bear the pain, saw my girls not giving up, saw my girls fighting hard for the ball, saw my girls building the spirit, saw my girls playing their best in the match. what more can i say? nothing, cause i knew they did their very best. i believe we will grow, grow to play better together as a team. we saw our weaknesses, we saw our strength, and we now know where and how to work, so that we will work towards our goal - A divisions. i know we will eventually be able to reach to our aim, our goal if we continue working hard. the journey ahead will be tough. but together, we will make it, i'm sure. =) <3 you girls.

looking at this group of youths, i know there is great potential for them to grow, grow in the way God wants us to, grow spiritually. it dawned upon me the necessity to catch hold this group of wonderful youths, to serve God, to be of service to Him. here is also a necessity for the young adults to grow. my term may soon be coming to an end, but before i pass it on, i hope to be able to save back a few more people and help the young adults and youths to grow through the last 3 months of programs and hopefully, the setting up of a new group if God wants it. may God grant me the ability and wisdom to help Anshao grow and multiply.

i need to start practising piano.

Jesus is the reason for this season. =D.

after seeing and going through so much, i totally agree that God will provide for our future eventually xD.

2009-12-19T13:06:00.003+08:00

camp was really really good.
renewed my faith.
do you know that our body is only worth SIX dollars?
and yet God paid a huge price for us.
because it's our spirit that costs.
amazing? yes.
in our lives, our service to God, if there is no obstacles, no risks involved, there wont be something called faith. so true. =)
i'll start doing more quiet time because i now know how great the necessity. =)

have been seeing another side of people, all over. makes me wonder.. why, why are people like that? why do they have two sides? but then again, i think everyone has. so what more do i have to say? it's just a matter of how much. people close to me, yet i managed to see two different sides of them through events, through activities, through people. how hurtful it was. totally stabbed me. the worst part is pulling the knife out after stabbing. ouchhh. oh well oh well.

i think that talk we had was really an eye opener. to hear and know about people. but i wasn't surprise for certain things, although i wish he wasn't like this and that he would care more about the people he bother getting close to. but as i said, he's nice, so don't strain the friendship now that i've already lost mine with him. dont let the impression, the one you had initially, about him change.

i think i'm happier now. at least i dont spend all my time on one particular person, but spread out with my friends. busy week ahead, with many church activities. so much so that my friend thinks i go to church everyday. church camp, followed by bu dao hui today, service tomorrow, thursday carolling, friday service and sunday church again. hahaha.

had bbq last sunday, thursday, tomorrow and next sunday. that's why i'm getting so fat =XX. but i love bbqs still. =)

do you feel insecure yourself thats why to change the number of friends? if not, why the huge number of friends you picked up and then dump them again?

arranging a time to meet daryl always seems so tough. rahhhhh. LOL.

2009-12-14T22:19:00.003+08:00

one day before church camp,
two days after landing.

fever's over,
but having stomach upset.

went to grow crystals today.
yongkhang is a big joker.
3 filter funnels to 1 beaker. ><
then went to island creamery ( =D) for ice cream with yy,yh,xh.
followed by going back to school for lunch with basketball girls at pizza hut.
cut my hair ( fringe is freaking short and jo, yes, theres a BIG BIG difference. =) )
went to plaza to meet bel, sh, lecia, hy for dinner.
on the way home, met von and her friends. unglamed and she saw. LOL!
met some zh friends on the train and home sweet home.
mad rush. heh. but, i dont mind before i get downright busy having to mug my ass out and basketball.

having no aikido feels w.i.e.r.d.

church camp awaits me. =)

daryl made me laugh like crap and i'm always so dumb to believe him.
daryl foo,
stop lying to me knowing that i'll fall for ittttttttttttttt.
enjoy your last week of school and see you soon. =).

2009-12-14T00:23:00.005+08:00

today's sermons touched me like nobody's business.
wake up call again, i guess.

主爱解千愁
为何忧愁呢?
怎能不忧愁呢?
彼得前書 5:7
你们要将一切的忧虑卸给神，因为他顾念你们。 =)

bible study taught me one very very important thing.
that.
nobody's love on earth is whole and perfect.
thats why we need God's love.
that was what i needed to hear,
which made me feel secure all over again. =)

i'm fine,
i guess. =).

2009-12-12T12:10:00.001+08:00

back.
but,
having fever.
rahhh. had to cancel some appointments.=/

everything's so screwed up.
sigh.

i said i would get over and move on after im back.
now i know, i really must.

2009-12-02T07:46:00.003+08:00

maybe no one will miss me at all..
so i should just go enjoy myself,
forget all the sorrows and miseries,
and come back as though nothing happened.

2009-12-02T01:00:00.001+08:00

talking about it,
makes me miss it even more.

flying in a few hours. =/.
after that,
i'll pick up from where i left off,
start a new for some things,
cause i know i can.

2009-12-01T23:36:00.001+08:00

i was forced to fall into it,
and now out of it.

2009-12-01T17:47:00.001+08:00

cant you just tell me the reason why things are like this now?

2009-11-30T23:56:00.003+08:00

10 days gone.
followed by 4 days of church camp.
followed by christmas.
followed by basketball camp.

when all the shit comes down,
all at once.
duties,
leadership,
responsibilities.

God, i guess i've ran far away from you once again.
perhaps these 10 days and camp would draw me back to You.
to where i belong,
to where You want me to be at.
oh Lord. continue guiding me,
cause i cant do it all,
not myself,
not alone,
but with You Lord.
take me,
mould me,
use me,
fill me.
if even Abraham could trust You,
to lead him to somewhere unknown,
shouldn't i trust You even more?

2009-11-29T19:39:00.004+08:00

i told my mum,
my j2 friends are leaving.
my mum told me.
" i knew you'd tell me this sooner or later.
they'd do fine, dont worry."

what if leaving means an end to our friendship..?

2009-11-28T10:42:00.001+08:00

my head..
is.
spinning..